Ho ho ho! Why pay more to sit next to old Tranny Claus over there, when you can sit on my lap. Phyllis is only ... pretending to be a man, I'm the real thing. Sit down on my lap and there will be no doubt! [awkward silence] No it's not, not like penis-wise.
My diabolical plan has been put on hold for Christmas. My heart just melts when I hear the sound of children singing. [pauses] Ha! Not really. I'm just tired. Days are short ... I don't know. Maybe I'm depressed.