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Mr. Garrison takes the students on an archaeological dig and Cartman find s a mysterious triangle that lands him on TV. Soon Barbra Streisand comes to claim the triangle and only Robert Smith of the Cure can help.
Mr. Garrison gets a nose job and soon discovers he can have his dream career: sleeping with hot chicks; Ms. Ellen substitutes for him and all the boys crush on her.
A new student, Damien, comes to South Park elementary and reveals he is the son of Satan and has come to find Jesus to arrange a boxing match with his father.
Kyle's mother complains that the school's Christmas play favors Christianity and is not catering to other religions; Kyle is visited by Mr. Hankey, the Christmas poo.
After seeing a Sally Struthers commercial, the boys adopt an Ehthiopian in order to get a free sports watch. Instead of the watch, the boys end up getting the Ehthiopian instead.
When Kenny is killed by the Mir space station he becomes a zombie. As he begins to infect the town, everyone thinks they have Pinkeye.
Stan's grandfather tries to convince Stan to help him commit suicide; Kyle's mother, Sheila Broflovski calls for a boycott of the boys' favorite show, Terrance and Phillip.
Kyle tries to crossbreed his pet elephant with Cartman's pot-bellied pig; Shelly picks on Stan; Mephisto makes a clone of Stan for his son's science project.
Stan gets a new dog, Sparky, who he discovers to be gay. Sparky, hurt by Stan, runs off and meets Big Gay Al.
Uncle Jimbo and Ned take the boys on a hunting trip in the mountains. Meanwhile, back in town Randy Marsh discovers the mountain is an active volcano about to erupt.