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When the town bans fireworks, South Park must come up with an alternative for Fourth of July. Meanwhile, Garrison loses Mr. Hat to Brett Favre and Cartman tries to learn to swim.
Carrie is invited to go to the Hamptons with Patience and Peter, but bumps into a naked Peter in the morning. Miranada's co-worker sets her up with a lesbian, Sid.
In a clip show episode, Ms. Crabtree becomes a stand-up comic, while the kids are stuck on a bus hanging over a cliff reminiscing.
After Miranda and Skipper run into each other at a convenience store, they have sex for the first time. Carrie interviews Barkley, a womanizer who videotapes the models he sleeps with.
The boys try to get back at Jimbo and Ned for making up a story about Vietnam; a producer tries to revamp Jesus & Pals to improve its ratings.
At a birthday party for Miranda, Carrie and her friends decide to stop looking for the perfect mate and to just starting have sex "like men."
With Pip on the team, the South Park dodgeball team makes it to the championships. Meanwhile, back in town, the citizens recognized "Conjoined Twin Myslexia Awareness Week" to try and make the school nurse feel accepted.
After Mr. Mackey gets in trouble for passing out marijuana during a lesson on drugs, he's fired and turns to the drugs himself. Meanwhile, when Ike is set to be circumcised, the boys try to rescue him and his penis' fate.
When a man raping chickens is on the loose we learn something much more devastating, Officer Barbrady is illiterate. While Cartman takes over patrolling the streets, the other boys try to teach the officer to read.
Just as Mephisto is about to reveal Cartman's dad's identity, he is gunned down. While the boys wait for him to recover, the town is hit with a blizzard and the townspeople are left with no food.