Ed O'Neil plays Jay, the patriarch on ABC's Modern Family.  Jay is a guys' guy who's in a bit of a mid-life crisis and has re-married a woman, Gloria, who is much much much younger than him.  Good for Jay.

Jay Pritchett Quotes

Gloria: I'm taking a shower, would you like to join me?
Jay: Honey, you know there's a gun in the footlocker in the garage, if I ever say no, I want you to use it on me

Amazing news. The Grand Marshall in today's parade just got #MeToo'd, and they need me to fill in.

Jay

Modern Family Quotes

But if you're always telling yourself how lucky you are, it's probably because you're afraid to ask yourself how happy you are. Right?

Dylan

Haley, I fell in love with you that day and I never stopped. I'm going to keep making myself better until I deserve you.

Dylan