Ed O'Neil plays Jay, the patriarch on ABC's Modern Family.  Jay is a guys' guy who's in a bit of a mid-life crisis and has re-married a woman, Gloria, who is much much much younger than him.  Good for Jay.

Jay Pritchett Quotes

Gloria: We're very different, he's from the city, he has big big business and I come from a small village, very poor but very very beautiful. It is the number one village in all Colombia for all the, what's the word?
Jay: Murders.
Gloria: Yes, the murders

If you put on a puffy, white shirt and declare your love for a 16-year-old, you're gonna be swinging from a flagpole in your puffy, white underpants

Jay [to Manny]

Modern Family Quotes

You're like a mob wife. You complain about what I do, but have no problem wearing the fur that fell off the back of the truck.


Cam [giving Lily dating advice]: Definitely compliment his outfit, laugh at his jokes...
Lily: What if they aren't funny?
Cam: Oh honey, the cute ones rarely are. God doesn't give with both hands.