The Big Bang Theory

Thursdays 8:00 PM on CBS
The big bang theory
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Simon Helberg stars as Howard Wolowitz, the only one of the nerds that is not a doctor.  He is an engineer at Caltech and is friends with Leonard and Sheldon and frequently is over at their apartment.  Wolowitz mostly goes by his last name and still lives with his mother.

Most jokes with Wolowitz revolve around his failed attempts at womanizing, though he was given a girlfriend, Bernadette, in season three.

Howard Wolowitz Quotes

Sheldon: I recently read that during World War Two, Joseph Stalin had a research program to create supersoldiers by having women impregnated by gorillas.
Howard: What a sick use of science.
Raj: Hey, as long as the baby's healthy.
Amy: I wonder if Stalin considered any other animals.
Leonard: Hippos are the deadliest creature. A half-human, half-hippo soldier would be pretty badass.
Howard: Yes, but when they're hungry-hungry, you can stop them with marbles.
Sheldon: Yeah, the correct animal for interspecies supersolider is koala. You would wind up with an army so cute it couldn't be attacked.

Howard's mother: Speak up!
Howard: From now on she's the only woman who can yell at me!

TBBT Quotes

Penny, there's only one cookie with something in the middle that solves life's problems, and that's an Oreo. Or a Nutter Butter, if you're in a pinch.

Sheldon

Raj: Okay, here's another one: if a zombie bites a vampire, and the vampire bites a human, does the human become a vampire or a zombie? Or, a zompire?

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