Thursdays 8:30 PM on CBS
Two-and-a-half-men

Conchata Ferrell stars as Berta on Two and a Half Men.  Berta is Charlie's sarcastic, unattractive maid that is definitely treated like one of the family by Charlie and Alan.

Despite her appearance, somehow Berta has several beautiful daughters, including one played by guest star Megan Fox.

Berta Quotes

Alan: What's wrong with him?
Berta: Classic case of va-jay-jay fever.
Alan: Colorfully put. I'm just surprised to see Charlie fall for it.
Berta: Sooner or later all men fall for it. How do you think I got my condo in Palm Springs?
Alan: You have a condo in Palm Springs?
Berta: No, figure of speech. Don't try to stop by.

Jake: Thanks for helping me with my book report, Prudence.
Prudence: Oh, no problem. Fourth grade stuff is easy for me.
Berta: Should be, you did it twice