Barnard "Barney" Gumble is Springfield's town drunk and one of Homer's best friends.  Barney apparently had a lot of potential and planned on going to Harvard until Homer introduced him to beer the day before they took the SATs.  Since then, Barney has proven a few times he's more than just a drunk when he forms a successful barbershop quartet, snow plow business, and trained as an astronaut.  But don't worry, he mostly just wastes his life away at Moe's.

Barney Gumble Quotes

Bart: Murderous mob, I beg you to spare our lives. At least until you've heard the story of how we ended up with the head of our beloved town founder.
Barney: How long will this story take?
Bart: Uh, about twenty-three minutes and five seconds.

Barney: I got me a part time job working as a Santa down at the mall.
Homer: Wow, can I do that?
Barney: I dunno, they're pretty selective. (Barney belches loudly)

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The Simpsons Quotes

Mr. Burns: Oh, and one more thing: you must find the jade monkey before the next full moon.
Smithers Actually sir, we found the jade monkey. It was in your glove compartment.
Mr. Burns: And the road maps, and ice scraper?
Smithers: They were in there too, sir.
Mr. Burns: Excellent! It's all falling into place...

Dearest Edna, I must leave you. Why, I cannot say. Where, you cannot know. How I will get there, I haven't decided yet. But one thing I can tell you, any time I hear the wind blow it will whisper the name Edna. And so let us part with a love that will echo through the ages. ---Woodrow