I am here for Fallon's pity party.
On Dynasty Season 2 Episode 12, Fallon proved that she goes above and beyond for every occasion including feeling sorry for herself.
Monica was right, Liam really did a number on her.
Seeing Fallon quote movies while sipping martini's in her silk pajamas and hiring a band to play sad, melancholic music whilst she cried made me feel a whole new level of poor.
It didn't help that both men she loved echoed the same sentiments about her "not being the same woman they fell in love with."
However, it wasn't long before Fallon was attempting to fool a reporter that she was on the cusp of a great new business venture.
Never a dull moment with her.
Understandably, Fallon doesn't want to lose her clout. It's all she's ever known; it's what she's made her name upon.
She always has been a sophisticated and badass businesswoman and without it, she doesn't know who she is.
But here's the thing -- it's okay to lose your way sometimes.
The reporter gave her plenty of chances to be real even referencing his own break-up which involved too much vodka and tears.
But for some reason, Fallon thought that being sad and hurt was a sign of weakness.
Sam: Food is just fuel. It doesn't need to be anything more.
Kirby: I get it. But I think actual fuel might taste better.
If she had just owned up to everything and gave him the real scoop -- she was sulking but picking up the pieces and finding herself -- it would have made for a way more enticing and relatable piece.
Since the story was supposed to be an inspiration for girls all around the world, they would have benefitted from seeing that not everything is as glamorous as they see on Instagram.
When Fallon did finally realize that admitting defeat and asking for help was okay, it was a little too late to salvage the piece.
She'd already attempted to spin her reality so much that it spun out of control. By the end of it, she was portrayed like a hot mess.
It was a little upsetting to see that most of Fallon's motivations for the piece weren't necessarily to inspire others but to prove to Liam that she was still at the top of her game.
If she doesn't change her mindset, she's never going to win back Liam! And that just won't do because I need Liam back on my TV.
While Dynasty attempted to get emotional and in-touch with the characters, it gave way to a pretty tame episode.
The episode felt more transitional than anything, setting the scene for everyone's "next steps."
Fallon turned to her father for help and was shown to a room with Culhane. Yep, Blake's crazy ass really expects these two to work together.
Oh, this will work. Seems like our little angel has been spreading her wings in more than one bed, hasn't she?Alexis
On one hand, they will finally have a moment to air out their grievances, but I fully believe the best thing for Fallon, Culhane and the audience is to let them go their separate ways.
Culhane has finally found his footing and identity with this soccer team and it's allowed him to become Blake's equal.
He doesn't need Fallon's drama getting in the way of that.
Let's face it, Blake's solution is to throw money at everything, but that doesn't necessarily translate to sports, something people are very passionate about.
Not to mention Blake really showed how uneducated about the game he was when he proposed all the players enter the stadium via parachute. How are you going to expect that from star players?
If Blake wants this to succeed, he needs Culhane. Culhane knows this and he's making the necessary plays.
Alexis' meddling has become exasperating.
What's her end game in all of this? Even if she does push apart Blake and Cristal, he's never going to fall in love with her again.
Cristal definitely messed up by not sending the mail herself thus giving Alexis the opportunity to intervene.
And why would she ever put the house number on there? It's almost like she wanted to get caught up.
Would she have wanted someone to out her this way?
Blake's anger and disappointment is understandable as this is the second time in a short time that he's finding out he may not be the father.
Someone call Maury.
Alexis wasn't just content with driving a wedge between Blake and Cristal by dropping the other shoe on him, she also took it a step further and scored contact information for Mark Jennings.
Despite my annoyance with Alexis, I'm definitely excited to meet Mr. Cristal.
Cristal may be telling Blake that she doesn't have feelings for Mark, but the way she explained the forced demise of their relationship leads me to believe that there's some unfinished business.
Mark is also a former soccer player, so I could see him getting very involved in Blake's new venture.
And then there was Sammy.
Oh my god, you convinced me to wear this ugly-ass outfit and to eat grass. I was about to give you millions.Sammy
Sammy threw his own version of a pity party, and he's almost more lost than Fallon is without Steven.
Steven's absence is frustrating because it's causing Sammy to question himself.
I hate that Sammy thought he had to re-invent himself into the kind of man Steven needs so he'd come back to him.
No, honey. You never have to change yourself for anyone. If they want to be in your life, they will be!
And Steven fell in love with Sammy because of his materialism. He would not approve of this lesser version.
Steven needs to return so Sammy stops doubting his greatness and can finally get a storyline that's not exclusive to pining for his husband.
And speaking of, why haven't we gotten any more clues as to Steven's whereabouts?
I wasn't a fan of the Lady Monk Insta-guru nor did I approve of her decluttering the Gucci from Sammy's life to turn a profit.
This family just cannot avoid con artists!
The only positive that came from Sammy's introversion is that he realized Kirby is really his ride-or-die best friend.
Sammy and Fallon hold a special place in my heart but, understandably, Fallon gets a little preoccupied sometimes so it's always nice to have Kirby there to look after him.
Do you think Blake is the father?
Will Fallon find her groove?
Where is Steven?
You have to watch Dynasty online to get caught up and share your thoughts in the comments below!