Don't be shocked, but "The Last Heartbreak" annoyed me.
I've never considered myself a feminist thinker, but when there isn't a story for Chloe outside of being manhandled and it's blatant even to the likes of me, then there's something wrong.
What I've learned from watching Lucifer Season 3 Episode 18 is the devil found his wits again just in time to use them passive-aggressively, passing off Chloe as if she was a football to be traded with another man. Excuse me?
You know what the last heartbreak is? It's my heart breaking with that thought.
Lucifer has been in therapy. He's probably heard some of the most mind-boggling twisted tales of lost loves possible being the king of hell. He's not a stupid man. I refuse to believe he thinks it's better to fool himself into thinking letting Chloe go to Cain is the right thing to do because she's choosing it.
He knows damn well she's only choosing Cain because Lucifer has been unnecessarily cruel when it comes to Chloe's feelings. He's seen first hand what it feels like to be in her shoes in the short time she's feigned interest in Cain.
And is he really so bad at reading people he can't see what Cain has in store for Chloe?
Cain was really laying it on thick in his pursuit of Chloe. He almost had me fooled with all of the 1958/2018 garbage, but he's a selfish man. He's always been interested only in himself.
Chloe: Maybe I should have waited until after dinner to say all that.
Cain: No, you're right. I do have walls up. I've had them up for a long, long time. When I feel like someone's getting past them, I run. But with you, Chloe, I don't want those walls up anymore; I don't want to run anymore. You deserve someone who's going to let someone in, and I want to do that if you'll give me the chance.
While a better man would have accepted that the fate of hell leaned into how lucky he was in comparison to his brother, Abel, embraced his life and stopped whining, Cain's decision is to bring a woman down with him in his quest for eternal damnation.
What a bloody idiot.
All of that work that was done propping his character up and making him so enjoyable and different has been laid to waste.
Chloe will now spend her scenes being bounced between men as if she doesn't have a mind of her own. Come to think of it, I'm ashamed of what I just wrote several paragraphs ago because she should never accept Lucifer after this is all over. If he doesn't have the guts to fight for her, what good is he?
On the other hand, we have Dan, who has grown so much since we first met him. He deserves happiness. His explanation to Lucifer about getting over Chloe was beautiful. He learned not to look at different people with regard to his relationship with Chloe, but to accept what they had was all their own doing.
And could he be a better ex and father at this point? I wouldn't have blamed him one iota if he had tossed Maze out on her ass after what he saw in the apartment.
Dan: The school called. Apparently, Trixie gave Miss Brown pot brownies for Teacher Appreciation day.
Maze: Well, did she appreciate them?
Dan: No, she didn't, Maze. She was rushed to the hospital when she couldn't feel her legs anymore.
Her attitude was despicable, and she made Trixie cry. To top it off, now we know when Douche will be used in reference to Dan going further -- only when it's meant to harm him. That was very uncool.
The preview may have made Maze look like the Little Drummer Boy ("I'm done with all humans!"), but she's not winning anybody over with her petulance. One week she was scoring points left and right and the next her home field stands are barren.
I'm getting whiplash from the way these characters are acting. Are they all bipolar (no, it's not a funny disease)?
Amenadiel was in whiplash mode, too, demanding the truth must be told to Charlotte because she deserved it. That's funny. He didn't feel the same way or in such a hurry to share when he and Linda were keeping secrets from Maze.
Charlotte has been begging for the truth, and it's difficult to erase the image of a grown man running up to you calling mom without forever wondering why, so I'm OK with the truth. But don't step up on a pedestal as you share your reasoning. Amenadiel likely has his own issues forcing his truthful talk with Charlotte.
The case of the week wasn't even that interesting because, by the time we got to the heart of the matter, there were too many pieces to it to care anymore. The guy who bought the original killer's house did it?
I missed his brief appearance from the Segway tour, so when he showed up at Cain's, I wondered why Pelant from Bones was still killing people!
I don't know.
The love triangle is a disappointment. Chloe being used in that way is very demeaning. Lucifer's idiocy continues. My prediction is Lucifer will eventually understand the situation and his ire will be so great he'll kill Cain when his own love for Chloe overflows.
He was always the key to killing Cain but he had to embrace his love for Chloe or something. The two have to connect, right? I hope I'm way off base.
Lucifer didn't even deliver any fun quotes, and if he doesn't do that, then we're in trouble.
If you want to see a better hour of the show, watch Lucifer online. Then come on back and chat about this one.
Carissa Pavlica is the managing editor and a staff writer for TV Fanatic. Follow her on Twitter.