Claws Season 1 Episode 5 Review: Batsh*t

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Just when I thought this series couldn't get any wackier, I am proven wrong.

Things were finally going Desna's way on Claws Season 1 Episode 5.

But, of course, that couldn't last.

Back To Haunt Her - Claws

That's because Roller is alive. For real this time, not just in Desna's tortured psyche. He's apparently gotten the fate he richly deserves: being locked up by a romance novel-infatuated woman, a la Misery. 

I can't wait to see where this goes. And just after Desna managed to get out from under for the shortest of times.

She had to deal with two problems: Uncle Daddy being somewhat suspicious of her, and Virginia and Dean freaking out because their nasty former foster-parents had erected a huge billboard as a constant reminder of their pain.

They wound up confronting the Coombs, who were absolutely as reprehensible as advertised, especially so after Dean's reveal of being sexually abused.

Then somehow Dean bought a gun ("This is Florida. I'm standing my ground."), which pushed Desna over the edge. It was pretty delicious when Desna came up with the scheme to pin Roller's murder on the Coombs.

The perfect partner in this plot was Polly, who pieced together what's been going on ("Sugar, pleeease.") with Desna and Virginia. Not that they've been doing the best job of hiding that something is up their sleeves.

Making a Point - Claws Season 1 Episode 5

Polly, Polly, Polly! She is turning out to be the third-best character on Claws, right behind Desna and Uncle Daddy.

First, she threatened Virginia with a knife, to make sure she keeps Desna out of trouble ... or else. Then, despite being on probation, she became a willing participant in the Desna/Virginia conspiracy.

She was an absolute hoot dressed in burglar black, planting evidence in the Coombs' house to the soundtrack of It's Too Darn Hot. She even silenced the guard dog using only her voice.

Most of the time she's the idealized '50s housewife which makes her criminal activity all the more unexpected. You never know what she's going to do or say next, but it's always fun to find out.

Desna's personal life leveled out with the Coombs getting blamed for Roller's murder.

Her professional life was working out, too. Realtor Mandy found her a slightly more upscale salon owned by a sassy Korean woman. But soon the salon she truly wanted, owned by the woman who didn't want to sell to "her kind," was back on the market.

The standout moment happened soon after that as the girls celebrated and lip-synced to Lady Marmalade while Uncle Daddy's crew rolled up on the Coombs family, brutalizing then killing them.

All in all, it turned out to be a very good day for Desna. It was not a good day for Jenn, however, as Bryce became a stone-cold killer.

It didn't seem like it was going to go that way during his first attempt to kill Dr. Ken. Ken was running through the swamp, while Bryce chased him and Desna and Jenn were in hot pursuit hoping to intercede. Of course, it was done to a thrilling soundtrack: What the World Needs Now.

Because nothing says love, sweet love like an attempted if failed, murder.

The Wrong Target - Claws Season 1 Episode 5

How could someone quoting Tony Robbins type, life-coach babble ever fit in with the Dixie Mafia?

But when he found who he thought were his brother's killers, Bryce showed he could pull the trigger. Again and again.

Jenn wailed because she was afraid that she'll never get him back from Uncle Daddy. And maybe she won't.

Stepping Up - Claws Season 1 Episode 5

Can Bryce slide back into being the positive man he once was or has he crossed over to the dark side for good?

I really want to know about the loon that has Roller imprisoned as she dances to opera and spouts such lines as "I am the beating heart of love. Welcome to Tuscany."

Boy, Roller is paying for every woman that he every treated badly, isn't he? Karma is a bitch. Now he gets to fulfill one woman's fantasy as the cover model from a bodice ripper. That's poetic justice, Roller worrying about a woman needs.

So Desna, Virginia, and Polly set up two not-at-all-innocent people to be killed by Bryce, basically for nothing. That leaves lots of guilt to go around, and a lot of questions still to be asked.

On top of all that, Quiet Ann has a new admirer in Chip's partner. I can't wait until her stalker finds out about that.

To catch up on all the bizarre happenings, watch Claws online.

Are you surprised Roller is alive? Isn't Desna something of a devious mastermind? Or is that Polly?

Comment below. Come on, get this party started!!

Batsh*t Review

Editor Rating: 4.75 / 5.0
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User Rating:

Rating: 4.7 / 5.0 (3 Votes)

Dale McGarrigle is a staff writer for TV Fanatic. Follow him on Twitter.

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Claws Season 1 Episode 5 Quotes

The last man who put me on a diet got put on a diet from all of this.

Desna [indicating her curves to Mandy]

Waxing customer: I think you took my clitoris off.
Polly: Nope, it's still there.