Gossip Girl Review: World War Waldorf

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In the run-up to Gossip Girl's winter finale, we were teased with promises of tensions boiling over between Dan and Chuck, Blair escaping her prenup after all, and another major scandal rocking the Upper East Side.

"The Princess Dowry" delivered on all accounts ... in an episode that was one of the most convoluted in recent memory (even by Gossip Girl standards). Still, it gave us plenty to discuss between now and April 2.

Only Gossip Girl would have Blair attempt to get around a previously airtight prenup, only to be shot down by the royals, only to be helped out by minder Estee, only to have that blow up in her face, in under an hour.

Behind it all was Georgina, who decided she was retiring as GG, but only after she blew the lid off a mega-scandal, then found out about and used an even bigger scandal as potential leverage, again in under an hour.

Meanwhile, Cece's will was read at her wake ... by the executor of her estate, William. All of her assets were left to her fake granddaughter, Ivy, spurning the Rhodes sisters and prompting Carol to drop a bomb ... on William.

While Georgina sauntered by, obviously, at that precise moment.

It was enough to make your head spin, but here's the upshot:

Chuck, Dan and Georgina

- Chair is no more. One week is like an eternity on the Upper East Side these days, so who knows if that will change. "I love you, but I'm not in love with you" seems pretty straightforward, however.

Chuck was not all bad tonight. He fell victim to Georgina's meddling and while it surely would've delighted him to take down Dan, he was also motivated by clearing his own name and protecting Blair.

The look on his face when he realized what he'd done to the Waldorfs financially said it all. He knew he screwed up big time, but it also wasn't his intent. Chuck's not perfect, but he's not a monster.

After Blair "broke up" with him, he immediately knew it even if they were never together and those words were never used. Her heart wasn't with him anymore. Yet he isn't all alone in this world.

Jack gave him the blood transfusion that saved his life, not Blair's pact with God. It's surprising he wasn't told about this earlier, and Jack's return to the show this spring should be very interesting.

- Dair it is. Despite Dan's misdeeds in sending the blast, he has her heart. Dair shared a passionate kiss, and according to the promo for the spring return (below), will soon share A LOT more.

Dan coming clean about sending the infamous blast, and his desire to keep Chuck and Blair apart - even if his hand was forced on both accounts - only served to strengthen Blair's connection to him.

Blair, like Chuck and Dan, is an imperfect character. She's made a lot of suspect decisions this season. Still, it was hard not to feel sympathy tonight when everyone seemed to have it out for her.

Everyone except Dan, who couldn't believe it when she arrived in the loft at the end. Dan (not Humphrey, but Dan) has won the heart of the girl he's longed for, who he never thought would reciprocate.

She's giving him THE look she once gave Chuck, and that kiss was hot, too. Certainly not of the fleeting "I want this but we can't do this" variety. These two are going to full-on maul each other.

Dair. Is. On.

The Princess Bride

- Blair's marriage is over, but the dowry still hangs over B, since she broke her word to her minder and was caught in a scandal 15 minutes after she cut a deal that make little sense to begin with.

This was easily the worst part of the episode. When the writing is this bad, and huge plot points are just undone haphazardly in a few lines of dialogue, it makes it hard to invest in ... well, anything.

I've always loved Georgina, but she was used and abused like a cheap plot device tonight, showing up in exactly the right place at exactly the wrong time to wreak loads of incomprehensible havoc.

Suspension of reality is par for the course while watching CW dramas, but this was way over the top. The plot holes were bigger than the hole smack in the front of her dress ... a classy touch.

There's just no way G could engineered all that. She's like Bonnie on The Vampire Diaries, only at least in Bon-Bon's case, she magically whips up spells. Yes, a witch is more believable than G.

Georgina's still more believable than that Estee chick, however. Seriously, what the heck.

- Anyway, Georgina is off to Monaco, with a promise to have B's dowry waived in exchange for a future "I owe you one" from Queen B, and the contents of her "G.G." laptop mailed off to Serena.

Will S read what's on that machine, and what will she do with it? Will she become the new GG? G-3, if you will? If so, she can only improve upon Phillip's performance. Talk about an epic fail!

- Lola is Serena's half-sister. Or so Carol claimed while demanding he figure out a way to reclaim the inheritance she believes she is entitled to) and the UES just got even more incestuous.

Nate has now hooked up with Serena, her stepsister (Jenny), her fake cousin (ChIvy) and her real cousin slash half-sister (Lola), and of course her BFF Blair. That's quite a feat, even for Nate.

Still, I like Nola together, and know at least one member of our Round Table panel who wouldn't mind seeing Chace Crawford's "I want to talk about feelings face," so I can't bash the guy here.

Serena's Dad is Back

- ChIvy has evicted Lily and Rufus. Geez, that nine-figure inheritance sure went to her head fast. Despite my frequent lampooning of the character, that was a twist that at least gave her some purpose ... and power.

Ballsy move to throw them out like that, Chives. Does she really stand a chance of keeping that money? Was she really Cece's innocent, well-meaning caretaker, or was there something sinister at work?

We were led to believe (mostly by ChIvy herself) that she was just staying with Cece out of the goodness of her heart, but everything she says is untrue by nature, so clearly there's more to this angle.

Between Carol's fake and actual daughters, the family drama ought to be ridiculous going forward. How far will William go to hide paternity? If at all? How will Lily react when that eventually comes out?

It's going to get ugly in any case. Not even Billy Baldwin's smooth-talking raspy voice (despite being an AWOL dad, he's almost charming!) can diffuse what's about to surface in this already fractured family.

Maybe Eric is better off in Zaire, considering the way things are going for the family right now. Even Serena is looking pretty despondent and lost at the moment. And she's the ultimate IT girl!

All in all, it was a pretty crazy episode, one which could've been a lot better, yet provided the requisite OMFG moments and set us up for a fun spring. Hopefully. What do you think will happen next?

Before we turn it over to your comments, as always, here's the Dair sex promo for April 2. It's okay, guys ... late night limo rides notwithstanding, the first time is never as good as you think it will be.

What did you think of this evening's Gossip Girl? Discuss below!

Review

Editor Rating: 3.0 / 5.0
  • 3.0 / 5.0
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User Rating:

Rating: 4.1 / 5.0 (1024 Votes)

Steve Marsi is the Managing Editor of TV Fanatic. Follow him on Google+ or email him here.

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I like Lola I like Dan I think they would work?

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@Where's Waldorf Yet you're still whining, if you were actually sorry, you wouldn't still be complaining. Your apology is just as meaningful as Blair's supposed love proclamation speeches that the writers probably ripped off from some cheesy romantic flick on Lifetime. No one's pressuring Dair, that's the writers' choice. It's people like you who are whining, complaining, sending death threats because you're not getting your way with your precious 'Chair' 24/7 variety show for now.

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Thats the readon i dont want blair with Dan. She used Louie. Dan deserves better. Anyways I think Jack is Chuck real father and his mother is Diane.

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Why didnt the creators wait so long to create Dair? Because they ran out of and decided to flip this relationship and shock every onewell am shock but more bored.

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@dare2killdair Blair never loved Louis, she used him for the princess title and dropped him after the whole ridiculous revelation in the terrible 100th episode. @Lola Maybe you should go back to Twilight, that seems to be more of your thing.

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I like the writing in general this season though. It is important to test out different relationships romantically. Us Chair fans are really sorry if we're annoying anyone with our whining but we just like seeing the good chemistry between Chuck and Blair. Now that Dair has been tested, some of us just don't see the spark and deep down we're complaining about people that pressure writers into keeping Dair just because they're new. It doesn't mean we're right in doing so, but I'm just trying to explain where our whining is coming from as some of you have mentioned in the comments that you don't get it. I could be completely wrong in what I'm saying, but this is what I suspect.
So what do you guys think Diana's angle is? I'm kind of expecting an epic secret to do with the Bass family. I have this weird feeling that Diana and Jack organized Bart's car crash and death.

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First, there is no way chuck and blair are not right for each other. They BELONG to each other. And second, HUMPHREY?! Please, Blair can do so much better, like Chuck, for example. Chuck and Blair are NEVER over, NEVER. And even if it seems like they are, they are not, believe me. I've been watching gossip girl ever since it started, when it was not even that popular and I've watched all seasons a few times.
Anyway, to the creators of gossip girl: I know you run out of ideas sometimes, and it's okay if you feel forced to use completely crazy and new ideas to make the serie more interesting, like Blair being in a relationship with...Humphrey, but please, for the love of god, make it quick so I can watch gossip girl again. Until everything is how it is supposed to be, I will be watching the gay vampires and her "bella". Thanks

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No, Dan is A rebound for Louie

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@dare2killdair Then stop watching the show if you have such a problem with it.

Dair-for-ever

@dare2killdair - I know you have the right to state your opinion here but please look up the meaning of rebound first! Are you even watching the same show the rest of us are? So if you were very much love with someone, and for many reasons things didn't work out, and much later you started looking at someone else in a different way and slowly and gradually you started loving them deeply - that someone else is a "rebound"!? Ridiculous! By that definition we would ALL have to STILL be with the guy/girl we *first* fell in love with? And if we're not, and we're with someone else, well, don't start saying I love you yet - that guy or girl you're with right now is just a rebound!