The Bachelor Review: Spring Training

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The remaining aspiring trophy wives of The Bachelor girls took part in a little spring training of sorts this week, but there could be only one MVP in San Juan, Puerto Rico, and we all knew who that would be.

No one liked who it would be, but we all knew!

The absurd group date of the week began when the women arrived at the famed Roberto Clemente Baseball Stadium for a HIGH STAKES game of baseball. Chris Harrison was also there, thank goodness.

Winners get a date, losers go to the hotel. Bam.

Ben and His Team

Except for Lindzi Cox, who was designated MVP and got to play for both sides and win by default, the tensions were high and wouldn't you know it, Courtney's team emerged victorious. Freaking Courtney.

We still have more than 10 women remaining and Courtney has hijacked an entire season of The Bachelor over a five-week span. Is she pure evil? Unfairly edited to look like the villain? Both of those?

Hey, it's why we watch this contrived nonsense to begin with ... and why we knew when she said she had another trick up her sleeve for later, we were in for a treat. If by treat we mean bout of nausea.

First, though, Elyse finally got a one-on-one date with Ben. It would be her last.

“Unfortunately I was hoping for some things today that I just didn’t find ... I only have so much time here and I have to kind of follow my heart. I unfortunately cannot give you this rose," he tells her. Ohhh.

“I just don’t know what I did wrong,” she laments. Most likely it was a combination of not getting naked enough and not causing enough drama in the house to become a favorite of the producers. Ta-ta!

Meanwhile, Emily O'Brien uses one-on-one time to trash Courtney, again. We respect the girl for realizing how terrible Courtney is, but this is a losing battle and Ben knows/quasi-threatens her over it.

Then it's time for the main event. After Ben cuts Elyse loose, Courtney lurks at his doorstep, waiting for him to get back in her seductress white robe. She suggests a “nightcap.” He is powerless to resist.

It's always unclear exactly how much of this pot-stirring is a product of Court's personality alone, or if the producers agree to give her more screen time (slash time with Ben) if she agrees to act ridiculous.

We'll never know for sure, but we do know she has become one of the most polarizing figure in Bachelor history (said in Chris Harrison dramatic voice) after just five weeks, which is an impressive feat.

“I don’t know if he’s ever skinny-dipped with a model before,” she says, name-dropping her profession for the 400th time. “It could be fun.” For exactly two people, not the other 10 million watching.

The girl does have some good zingers, though, from "Who knew strippers were good at baseball?" (Re: Blakeley) to “I’m a sight for sore eyes. After the date with Elyse, his eyes are probably pretty sore.”

Whatever interns are writing these lines on the cue cards, give 'em a raise, ABC!

Ben knows this “probably isn’t a good idea” but watches Courtney strip naked and does the same, running into the water and embracing her in what has to be the most Cinemax-like moment in Bachelor history.

Afterward, Court says she's "winning" again. Ben says he feels guilty. So it goes.

Shocker: Courtney earned a rose at the rose ceremony the next night. Can anyone stop her from winning the whole thing? The Bachelor spoilers we've read suggest it's going to be tough. But here's hoping.

Sadly, Jennifer, the girl he took out on that great one-on-one date last week, and the girl he told was the best kisser of all, got the boot at the ceremony, so she's headed home along with Elyse.

Until next week ...

1605 Review

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Steve Marsi is the Managing Editor of TV Fanatic. Follow him on Google+ or email him here.

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