Gossip Girl Review: Blair's Royal Nightmare

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Duplicity was the word of the hour on tonight's Gossip Girl, an uneven installment at times, but one which nevertheless contained some new twists and potentially major teases for the coming weeks.

On the heels of last week's "Memoirs of an Invisible Dan," one of the better episodes in recent memory, "The Fasting and the Furious" didn't quite find its footing until the end due to various plot holes.

Why would one story on Gossip Girl derail the Spectator, run by so-called mogul Diana? How was everybody at the Waldorfs so conveniently? How did Diana and Beatrice's convoluted plot work flawlessly?

It feels silly to nitpick, because it's Gossip Girl and we love it regardless, knowing that some suspension of reality is necessary. But when the stretches become numerous, it detracts from the experience.

All that said, there were some emotional scenes and events that will keep us guessing for the next two weeks (the show takes a week off before returning with "I Am Number Nine" November 7), namely:

The Parents To Be

Louis has the envelope. Blair and Louis began the episode with a joint announcement to their families, who reacted as one might expect, with both joy and trepidation. Then it devolved into a giant mess.

The Grimaldis insisted that B reside in Monaco. The Waldorfs have other ideas. This kind of tension, albeit on a smaller scale, plagues many couples. But the way the conflict was resolved was ridiculous.

First of all, the Yom Kippur feast uniting the characters midway through the night felt very thrown together. Second, it needed more Wallace Shawn, even if we can be grateful to see Cyrus at all.

Beatrice sure concocts roundabout ways of undermining her brother, with Diana's involvement even harder to believe. But that's all very secondary right now considering LOUIS HAS THE ENVELOPE.

If he opened it and learned that Blair's baby was indeed his, he wouldn't have picked up the phone, right? I'd have to guess not, but perhaps he would still be irate that she even had such a test done.

Either way, we'll have to wait and see how a certain psychologist fits into this.

Side note: How special was the scene between Blair and Eleanor? If that's any indication of how wonderful these strong Waldorf women can be, Blair has a great role model in the parenting department.

Someday in about half a year. Blair Waldorf is going to be a mother. That knowledge hasn't had a chance to sink in yet, but when she told her mom and Cyrus, it became very real - for better or worse.

I find myself increasingly concerned for Blair, because as much as she's to blame for her own problems, I feel she legitimately tries to do the right thing. But her decisions may come back to haunt her.

How will Louis react if he learns the baby his not his? What if his family - or Diana - finds out and leaks the story? Or even just reports that there was even a test? Blair will be crushed, one way or another.

Expect her to land on her feet eventually, though. She's a Waldorf, after all.

Despite the unplanned nature of the pregnancy, Blair is going to be an amazing mom. The question is who will raise it with her, which brings us back to Louis, Eliza Barnes, and our next subject ...

Nice Suit Chuck

Chuck needs help. After meeting Dr. Barnes, one and the same, at the dog park with Monkey (and briefly Dan, in another classic too-brief scene at the beginning), Chuck realizes he is a lost soul.

She shot him down and dressed him down hard, and you have to like that the show's writers are introducing a believable instrument of change for Chuck. Getting him ready to be a father, perhaps?

Sure, no doctor would psychoanalyze someone like that on the street, and the idea that this woman is also connected to Louis seems far-fetched. But for Mr. Bass, this was a long time coming.

If we assume Chuck got Blair pregnant - and tonight's events seemed to hint at that, indirectly - will they find their happily ever after? How will they get to that point? Chuck needs to fix himself.

His late night phone call was the first step, although clearly Louis isn't going away quietly. What does he know, and will Chuck get the help he needs before his downward spiral ends catastrophically?

The return of Derena? That certainly came out of nowhere, didn't it? Just a week ago, Dan was pining for Blair as hard as we'd ever seen it. Now, he may be back in Serena's arms before long.

"You were the love of my life. I thought I was yours too." Gossip Girl would certainly come full circle if this storybook romance were rekindled, and if Serena has her say, it might happen. Soon.

Can you ever recall Serena van der Woodsen being more sure of what she wants, even if admitting it scared her and made her so vulnerable? Her apology to Blair was heartfelt and harsh - to herself.

She was jealous of Blair, not for reasons, but because Dan's feelings for her were so profound. Seeing that Blair and Dan aren't on speaking terms, and he and Serena will be working together ...

Just saying. That door was reopened tonight. Whether Derena ever becomes a full-fledged couple again remains to be seen, but she's back on Team Humphrey, and not just for the movie rights.

Which she got by pulling a ballsy move, it's worth noting. Falsely telling a movie news site that her boss had the option? Shady, but bold. Who said S never worked hard or put herself out there?

Do you think this officially marks the beginning of a new, romantic chapter between Dan and Serena - and the end of any hope Dan and Blair had of a romantic future? Or do more twists lie ahead?

Diana Bends Over

What is Diana hiding?! Honestly, I was starting to get bored with Diana until her last-second shadiness with Bart Bass' files, but now the stakes are higher again. Who is she and what does she know?

For a woman who relentlessly hunts down scandals, she sure looked like she wanted to hide one at the end. Ms. Payne clearly knows more than she's letting on about Bart ... possibly Chuck, who knows.

That I did not see coming. She blackmailed Ivy into getting her some UES gossip, which Ivy in turned manipulated Nate to get, but which Diana led to her believe was useless, only it apparently wasn't.

What did she set fire to, and what is her endgame in all of this? If she's motivated by something other than taking down Gossip Girl and making the Spectator a force ... that would make more sense.

It's been hard to buy Diana's storyline, but perhaps that's because there's more to it than we know. Does anyone get the feeling that when this hits the fan, whatever it may be, it's going to be epic?

That's all for now. Hit the comments and tell us what you thought of tonight and what you think/hope will happen next! Then come back tomorrow for news, promos and our Round Table! And vote ...

Who makes the better couple on Gossip Girl?


Editor Rating: 3.5 / 5.0
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User Rating:

Rating: 2.9 / 5.0 (311 Votes)

Steve Marsi is the Managing Editor of TV Fanatic. Follow him on Google+ or email him here.


@Meg- Couldn't agree more! Where and how some people possibly conceived the idea that all of the storylines are pointing to Dair being endgame is absolutely ludicrous! Ship whoever you want, but you can't deny where the writers are heading with this season. Chuck having to get past himself in order to get to Blair, Blair's royal pains most likely leading to the end of her ridiculous so-called relationship with Louis, and Derena reuniting after that heartfelt exchange and eyegasm last night. This all makes sense because in the end, you start thinking about the beginning. If the writers are tying things up, they know that Chair needs some fixing and Derena needs redeeming in order to go full circle. I don't know if they see Dair as just a buffer, but it looks like they've coughed up as much as their limit would allow with the Dair scenes in the first few episodes. Now, moving on to bigger and better things!


Oups I hit sent before I finished.
Well my point is, Dair fans have a right to dream even when everything is pointed towards a Chair/Derena ending. May be the writers won't go that way, who is to tell?
I'll remain pessimistic about Dair so that I won't be disappointed but there is still a part of me that hopes about it.
And happiness doesn't have to mean being in a couple at the end of the show. I mean I would a thousand times see Serena as a happy self-made woman, cured of her crazy hook ups tendency and working with a career than have her with Dan again. Derena as endgame would be unimaginative. It doesn't have to have all the old flames back together to make it a ncessarily good ending


Although I admit Chair is endgame I think that if the show gets another season Dair could very well work out. If the show ends with season 5 then no, there won't be enough time to make it work.
One thing I disagree with is the fact that Dan's love for Blair is just ephemeral. I mean writing a book in which only Blair is portrayed nicely and telling Serena that they were too young to decide of who is the love of their life seems to point in the direction that Dan's feelings are not just a result of infatuation.
Look we say Dair forever because even though we might never actually get it we will always consider Dan and Blair as the OTP of the show. Their scenes have made us interested in something that was getting too repetitive and overdone. Dair might not work out and it might bring back the dreadful Derena but that doesn't mean


I missed seeing Darena.
The shipper I was during season 1 and season 2 is actually happy right now.


This show is about more than Dan and Blair. That's the biggest problem with the "Dair is Inevitable" argument. It ignores what is happening with every other character and distorts what is happening and has happened to Blair and Dan. I'm sorry but so-called Crazy Chair shippers aren't the ones that don't get it. Chuck is not moving on romantically and he's getting growth in the areas he needs to in order to make his relationship with Blair work. All his growth is fueled by losing Blair and him believing he is not the father of Blair's baby. Plus they've kept him deeply tied to the baby story and now have Louis unfairly scheming against him. If they wanted to kill Chair and go with Dair they wouldn't do this. They only have one season left and Chuck has no alternative endgame. Since his story is all about loneliness and a desire for family there is no way he's going to be denied those things in the end. They don't see Chuck as the abusive villian that some of the Dair shippers do so he won't commit suicide the way he's portrayed in Dan's book. Lastly, Chuck and Blair got closure already in the 4.22 finale so that scene in 5.06 isn't for closure purposes at all. It's for Chuck's growth so he can be the man Blair needs him to be. Serena is not moving on with Nate this season (her only other possible endgame. Nate is busy with Ivy for the time being) and it looks to me like she's going to grow up after reading how Dan portrayed her in his book. This MAY be setting up Dan and Serena in the future. Also, the writers made a big deal out of Serena's feelings for Dan and had both Dan and Blair say the book is fiction. That was a huge signal that if Dair get romantic in any way we're not supposed to root for them because they'd be creating pain for the person Blair loves most - Serena and creating issues with the show's OTP: Serena and Blair. Like Maribells said the show isn't going to end with Dan and Blair eating pizza and watching movies while big bad Chuck and Serena sit in a corner and cry.


@Quina if the writers want to tick everyone off and rewrite history and go against everything they've said for four years, they could but it's obvious Blair didn't sleep with Dan so he's not the daddy. I don't get Dair fans wanting Blair to look like a fickle slut either on that. She doesn't love Dan and she'll always love Chuck. The picture is rather clear to me.


i hate ivy's she needs to get discovered already so she can desapear does she really think noone will find out its gossip girl urg nate needs to get w serena thats hes true love


If the writers really want to shock every1 they need to make the baby to be dan's and put dair as the endgame


There is no chance that Dan and Blair is the inevitable pairing. No couple that comes between Serena and Blair has any hope in hell of survival. The writing made a huge deal about Serena's feelings for Dan last night. Dair is doomed romantically but are clearly being written as a close friendship once Dan gets over his puppy love idealization for Blair (it is so The Philadelphia Story.) Plus the writing is on the wall that Chuck is getting growth so he can be a father and he's not doing that for his legal sister Serena or for Ivy. As for Serena, she's not moving on with Nate and that's for a good reason. They want to keep Dan and Serena alive because Dair is going to cause problems for Serena and Blair. Anyway, I'm thrilled that Chuck and Blair are obviously getting a nice slow build to reunite and create their family. No hasty reunions for my bbs. Not a Derena fan but I wouldn't mind if they got back together since Serena obviously loves Dan far more than Blair ever could.


To me the only inevitable pairing is Chuck and Blair. Derena were good in seasons 1 and 2 and if they can sort their issues and feelings I might be back on board with them.

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Gossip Girl Season 5 Episode 5 Quotes

Blair: I hope they take it well. Nothing matters more than our child being born into a big happy family.
Louis: Are you ready?

On the Upper East Side, it's not what you say that determines who you are. It's what you do.

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