Two and a Half Men Season Premiere Scoop: MURDER!

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It's been confirmed: Two and a Half Men will premiere its ninth season with a funeral in honor of Charlie Harper. It will feature a few big names stopping by to pay their respects to the womanizer.

Now, sources tell TMZ just how the show will arrive at this storyline: through murder!!!

Ashton Kutcher on Set

Ashton Kutcher reacts to applause on his first day of shooting Two and a Half Men.

At the sitcom's taping Friday night, witnesses say Rose gave a speech in which it was revealed she and Harper got married, but she soon discovered that he had cheated on her. He subsequently "slipped" off a Pars subway platform and was blown into a "meat explosion."

The implication? Rose killed Charlie and got away with it.

Sounds like something Chuck Lorre would right about his former star's character, doesn't it?

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Two and a Half Men Quotes

Charlie: For every gorgeous woman out there's a guy tired of banging her.
Alan: But that guy is never me.

Charlie: You're like an Alzheimer's patient in a whorehouse.
Alan: What do you mean?
Charlie: You're constantly surprised that you're getting screwed, and you don't want to pay for it