Welcome back to the weekly TVF Gossip Girl Round Table, where our panel breaks down the previous night's episode (see our review from earlier this morning).
Below, GG critic Mister Meester is joined by Gossip Guy, TV Fanatic's President, programmer and accountant (among other titles) to discuss "Shattered Bass."
We're pleased to report that our colleague DANdy has returned to the U.S. in one piece, but is recovering from jet lag and being roofied by Jack Bass at this time.
It's a two-man show once again, sadly. But we'll give it our best:
1. What was your favorite Gossip Girl quote from last night?
Gossip Guy: In honor of the return of the original Basshole, I have to go with the entire scene in which Jack nags Chuck to speed things up with Thorpe's arrest: "Can we call the cops soon? I'm hungry and all you seem to have are olives and hallucinogenic mushrooms."
Mister Meester: Anything out of Jack's mouth would be a good choice, but I'm giving it to Gossip Girl. She's either raiding Chuck's mushroom supply or just plain phoning it in these days with lines like this, after Charlie poured out her meds: "I don't think that's what the doctor meant when he said 'Use As Directed.'" That doesn't even make SENSE!
2. Dan-Charlie sex scene: Hot, weird or unintentionally funny?
Gossip Guy: "Can you call me Serena?" Seriously Charlie? If you already need to role play in the first hookup, where do you picture things going down the road?
Mister Meester: Unintentionally funny that Charlie brazenly wanted to jump Dan's bones in the headmistress' office, then super hot when they both stripped down, then pretty darn weird when she wanted to be called Serena. Things got awkward pretty fast.3. Harder to believe: Charlie going crazy after missing one dose of her mystery meds, that Blair and Louis are even engaged, or any part of the Russell/Chuck story?
Gossip Guy: Gonna 100% go with the Russel/Chuck/Bart storyline. They had me until Jack knew about Chuck's relationship with Raina from halfway across the world. What is he checking Gossip Girl's blog too? That was just silly.
Mister Meester: Blair and Louis have no chemistry, but he is nice and she loves a good fairy tale. Everything about the Russell Thorpe story arc is confusing, but at least his shadiness has sort of been put into context. But what the heck is Charlie's mental illness exactly? Why did she stop taking her medication? Why did that turn her into a lunatic in a matter of hours? All unclear.
ROYAL MESS: Blair nearly made one of her engagement by seeing Chuck.
4. Best guest star cameo last night: Cyrus, Jack or the original mean girls?
Gossip Guy: Sorry Cyrus and Jack, you guys have been always stolen my heart as guest stars and all, but Isabel and Katy!? What an amazing throwback to season one. Does anyone else remember when these girls were on the Gossip Girl Insider cast page? Hah, to think we thought they were going to be regulars and not just GG's attempts to diversify the pilot.
Mister Meester: All offered great continuity with past seasons, but did the mean girls forget Nelly Yuki? Weak. Jack ranting to hurry things up after they nailed Russell was awesome, but I'm still going with Cyrus, of whom there is never enough!
5: Rate last night on the Vanessa Uselessness Scale (1-10).
Gossip Guy: In honor of one of the greatest casting articles I've ever read, I'm going to give Vanessa a proper send off with 1. Let us always remember today as the new V-Day. February 14 was so 2010.
Mister Meester: 3. Mocking how useless she is has become too easy, and certainly loses some of its appeal now that Jessica Szohr kind of got fired. The only question is whether we rename this the Rufus or Nate Uselessness Scale for Season 5.
6: Will Blair choose the Prince or Chuck?
Gossip Guy: Definitely the Prince. Much like the little Gossip Girl fans in tonight's episode, we all know I stopped rooting for Chuck. And besides, Blair models herself after 1950s actresses. What's more fitting for her end game than following Grace Kelly and marrying a Prince of Monaco?
Mister Meester: Judging by this photo gallery from next week ... I still have no idea. But it doesn't look like B's too furious with her Dark Knight anymore. Just saying.
What do you think? Sound off in the comments!