Gossip Girl Round Table: "Shattered Bass"

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Welcome back to the weekly TVF Gossip Girl Round Table, where our panel breaks down the previous night's episode (see our review from earlier this morning).

Below, GG critic Mister Meester is joined by Gossip Guy, TV Fanatic's President, programmer and accountant (among other titles) to discuss "Shattered Bass."

We're pleased to report that our colleague DANdy has returned to the U.S. in one piece, but is recovering from jet lag and being roofied by Jack Bass at this time.

It's a two-man show once again, sadly. But we'll give it our best:

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1. What was your favorite Gossip Girl quote from last night?

Gossip Guy: In honor of the return of the original Basshole, I have to go with the entire scene in which Jack nags Chuck to speed things up with Thorpe's arrest: "Can we call the cops soon? I'm hungry and all you seem to have are olives and hallucinogenic mushrooms."

Mister Meester: Anything out of Jack's mouth would be a good choice, but I'm giving it to Gossip Girl. She's either raiding Chuck's mushroom supply or just plain phoning it in these days with lines like this, after Charlie poured out her meds: "I don't think that's what the doctor meant when he said 'Use As Directed.'" That doesn't even make SENSE!

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2. Dan-Charlie sex scene: Hot, weird or unintentionally funny?

Gossip Guy: "Can you call me Serena?" Seriously Charlie? If you already need to role play in the first hookup, where do you picture things going down the road?

Mister Meester: Unintentionally funny that Charlie brazenly wanted to jump Dan's bones in the headmistress' office, then super hot when they both stripped down, then pretty darn weird when she wanted to be called Serena. Things got awkward pretty fast.

3. Harder to believe: Charlie going crazy after missing one dose of her mystery meds, that Blair and Louis are even engaged, or any part of the Russell/Chuck story?

Gossip Guy: Gonna 100% go with the Russel/Chuck/Bart storyline. They had me until Jack knew about Chuck's relationship with Raina from halfway across the world. What is he checking Gossip Girl's blog too? That was just silly.

Mister Meester: Blair and Louis have no chemistry, but he is nice and she loves a good fairy tale. Everything about the Russell Thorpe story arc is confusing, but at least his shadiness has sort of been put into context. But what the heck is Charlie's mental illness exactly? Why did she stop taking her medication? Why did that turn her into a lunatic in a matter of hours? All unclear.

Louis' Fiancee

ROYAL MESS: Blair nearly made one of her engagement by seeing Chuck.

4. Best guest star cameo last night: Cyrus, Jack or the original mean girls?

Gossip Guy: Sorry Cyrus and Jack, you guys have been always stolen my heart as guest stars and all, but Isabel and Katy!? What an amazing throwback to season one. Does anyone else remember when these girls were on the Gossip Girl Insider cast page? Hah, to think we thought they were going to be regulars and not just GG's attempts to diversify the pilot.

Mister Meester: All offered great continuity with past seasons, but did the mean girls forget Nelly Yuki? Weak. Jack ranting to hurry things up after they nailed Russell was awesome, but I'm still going with Cyrus, of whom there is never enough!

5: Rate last night on the Vanessa Uselessness Scale (1-10).

Gossip Guy: In honor of one of the greatest casting articles I've ever read, I'm going to give Vanessa a proper send off with 1. Let us always remember today as the new V-Day. February 14 was so 2010.

Mister Meester: 3. Mocking how useless she is has become too easy, and certainly loses some of its appeal now that Jessica Szohr kind of got fired. The only question is whether we rename this the Rufus or Nate Uselessness Scale for Season 5.

6: Will Blair choose the Prince or Chuck?

Gossip Guy: Definitely the Prince. Much like the little Gossip Girl fans in tonight's episode, we all know I stopped rooting for Chuck. And besides, Blair models herself after 1950s actresses. What's more fitting for her end game than following Grace Kelly and marrying a Prince of Monaco?

Mister Meester: Judging by this photo gallery from next week ... I still have no idea. But it doesn't look like B's too furious with her Dark Knight anymore. Just saying.

What do you think? Sound off in the comments!

Steve Marsi is the Managing Editor of TV Fanatic. Follow him on Google+ or email him here.

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    62 Comments New Comment Subscribe

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    Nate will never be useless Mister Meester! Chuck and Blair better end up together!

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    bring on the chairr! seriously the drama between them is what makes gossip girl

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    google this "leighton meester us", but note that this is for Dair eyes only, I am afraid that you Chair lovers can not handle to read this. (not because I think you can not read :)

    Theyalier

    1 - That's easy. It goes to creepy psycho Charle with "Call me Serena" while having sex with Dan. However anything Cyrus said was great ad Dan's comment on the Headbands still dressing alike was good.

    2 - Ew.

    3 - Huh, I like the Blouis engagement (is that what we're calling it?), the Russel/Chuck storyline was quite the bore but in the ending was good so I'll have to give it to Charlie becoming the next American Psycho No Country For Old Man freak in just a few hours.

    4 - Cyrus! That guy deserves to be a regular! While on the other hand Chuck does not and probably neither does Charlie (we'll have to wait and se...)

    5 - I'm sorry, by "Vanessa" do you mean that homeless vegan chick with the recycled jacket and a cheap wig probably made of garbage?

    6 - If the world was fair, Louis.
    But the writers are also having a taste of Chuckie's mushrooms so probably she'll choose him and I'll complian and stop watching.

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    really dan? u really think serena doesn't know her own dress. Come on. I was highly disappointed in how easily dan is being swayed back and forth between serena and blair and charlie it makes it seem like his character has no substance. I loved Dair and after a glimpse of just a fake and a half-kiss, it was done. I thought they could have developed the story line. But now he's all about Charlie i mean that was a little..fast? he's known her for less time that blair's known the prince. now he's going to find out charlie's crazy, probably going to be in some kind of predicament and then another girl to fall to the rescue, serena this time? i was hoping he would have enough sense not to get involved with her craziness and then she would retaliate even crazier somehow, but they took the predictable route. on the other hand, i love the way the blair/prince story is unfolding. i don't think it was so crazy that she got engaged, mainly because the characters both acknowledged that its really sudden and that they'll still be courting. i loved the cyrus intervention, and i'm excited to see how lois reacts when he finds out about the real blair. kind of upset that blair didn't leave a voicemail or something for lois instead of leaving a message with charlie because she just created an even bigger hurdle for their relationship. i'm scared lois is going to think shes still too much preoccupied with chuck and he's going to ask her if she still loves him and its going to end things. although the way chuck handled the raina/thorpe conclusive storyline was impressive, his interactions with blair have been pretty lackluster. i think its because he has so much he is dealing with, but whether he is being sarcastic or a bass, he hasn't let his genuine feelings shine while he is sober. she's drawing further and further away from him and living her own life what has a promise of a fairytale.

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    as useless as nate has become he could never be worse than rufus or vanessa. plus if the writers want to save Nate from uselessness then they should make him chase after serena!!!!

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    1. anything from jack or cyrus's mouths there were a lot of good ones by others as well.

    2. wierd and unitentionally funny. god charlie is so physco i hate her. but if she preventing dan and serena from being together that is ok. i love serena with anyone but dan. but i do tink charlie should use her crazy for good by getting serena and nate back together.

    3. How are blair and lois engaged?!?! dont get me wrong i like them but WTH they have known each other for like a month maybe and they are engaged!

    4. Cyrus! not enough! I love him but jack was pretty great too.

    5. i'm very sad to see the VUS go. but not sad to see vanessa go i'll give her a 1 cuz i thought she was sorta usefulish when she helped serena. But she would be the BEST ever if she got serena and nate together.

    6. Chuck even if she doesnt choose him she will definently not choose the prince

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    Slightly unrelated to this thread, but here goes.

    Correct me if I'm wrong but didn't Dan sleep with one of his teachers at Constance/St. Judes while he was still in high school? I think that would qualify as high school craziness or whatever Charlie was talking about.

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    yeahhhhh . the best cameo last episode is KATI and IS !
    it's so awesome to meet someone in ur past long time ago.
    but they forget nelly yuki and hassel !??
    also...
    the NEW GENERATION MEAN GIRLs of the fake serena and blair.
    Girl: "Chuck Bass, what a disappointment. I was rooting for you."
    Chuck: "have you seen the real Blair?"
    Girl: "Don't you read Gossip Girl? You lost her to a prince."
    Chuck: "Not yet I haven't."
    Girl: "I told you he wouldn't let her get away."
    :D :D best scene!

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    Isn't the hardest thing to believe how Serenas boobs would have ever fit in that golden dress? Looked tight even on Charlie, just sayin'.

    I still want Chuck to get the girl!




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