The Gossip Girl Reality Index Returns!

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Last night's Gossip Girl, "The Kids Are Not All Right," started 2011 not with a bang, but with a thud, as our official review notes. But there were some high points.

It's time for one of our favorite pieces of Gossip Girl media coverage, N.Y. Magazine's patented reality index. Behold, the first +/- scale of the calendar year:

  • Blair to Serena about seeing Dan for the first time since break: “Here’s my advice: Have a little faith, and if that doesn’t work, have a lot of mimosas.” This means nothing, but Plus 1 anyway, for being a pretty good life philosophy.
  • Blair’s dismissive summation of the Serena-Dan attraction - “Whatever it is you see in him, he sees in you” - is so subtle, Serena probably doesn’t even notice they’re both being insulted. Plus 3.
  • It occurs to us that the only two people taking this show seriously any more are Leighton Meester and Penn Badgley. Plus only 10 for acting, but a whole bunch of invisible points for appreciation.
  • Plus 10 for Serena totally not thinking about the fact that giving the Post reporter the affidavit will send her mother to jail until Lilly points it out.
B to the Dizzubs
  • Nate: “Hey man, how was New Zealand?” Chuck: “I have to say, it was an extraordinary bust.” Minus 2. Even the girl next to him rolls her eyes at the double entendre.
  • Sorry, we are to believe Serena went to Staten Island without a ride back, such that she just decided to walk to get coffee with Ben? And that Ben had such a well-fitting coat waiting for him upon release? And that he was in such chipper, low-key spirits after having been in prison for years? And was just kind of hanging around outside? Minus 30.
  • Dan and Serena decide not to try to take up their quasi-incestuous relationship, because even though they care about each other, Serena takes Dan for granted and if they are being perfectly honest, they maybe don't even like to hang out that much? Minus 10.
  • Minus 20 for Chuck opting to believe Lily saying she’s selling the company “because it’s in trouble,” without consulting with his team of attorneys, auditors, and the private detective he keeps on retainer.

Steve Marsi is the Managing Editor of TV Fanatic. Follow him on Google+ or email him here.

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Gossip Girl Quotes

And who am I? That's one secret I'll never tell ... You know you love me. XOXO, Gossip Girl

Gossip Girl

[to Jenny] That's the thing. You need to be cool to be queen. Anne Boleyn thought only with her heart and she got her head chopped off. So her daughter Elizabeth made a vow never to marry a man. She married a country. Forget boys. Keep your eye on the prize, Jenny Humphrey. You can't make people love you, but you can make them fear you. For what it's worth, you're my Queen. I choose you.