We reviewed Monday evening's Gossip Girl, "Double Identity," earlier this morning. Now it's time for one of our favorite GG features anywhere, New York Magazine's reality index.

You know it. You love it. Excerpts:

• Blair: “Except Humphrey’s a doughnut.” We bet Dan would have appreciated that. Plus only 1, though, because everybody knows he’s a waffle.
• Of course, Nate is not at all suspicious about why this crazy pretty lady has decided to enter, study, and take charge of his life. Plus 3.
• At the morgue, Serena looks at the outside of a snakeskin wallet, a closed passport, and a generic BlackBerry, and says, “That’s his!” God. Plus 2 because that is so her, but Minus 2 for the police being so ridiculously stupid.
• Serena is strong enough to go identify a dead body? That might be her stepbrother’s? If there’s anything we’ve learned on this show, it is that Serena is not strong enough to do anything. Except defy gravity by standing up straight. Minus 2.

• Nate, after seeing “1 New Text Message” on Dan’s phone, then seeing that the text was from Serena, says, “He said he hadn’t heard from her!” Yes, Nate, that was a new text message. Minus 3, because even Nate knows how phones work.
• Vanessa is good with babies because she lived on a commune. Plus 2, because we were absolutely unprepared to believe it was her natural warmth.
• Why does Vanessa keep coming back? She’s the only person on this show who pretends to have self-respect. Minus 1.
• Has nobody actually asked Juliet what she does for a living? Minus 4.
• Rufus is apparently the only person on the show who remembers last season, and what happened with William van der Woodsen, so he guesses that Georgina has skipped town, and that the doctor she hired for the paternity test is actually a “sex phone” worker. Plus 5. Also, ha. Rufus said "sex phone." Plus 2.

Steve Marsi is the Managing Editor of TV Fanatic. Follow him on Google+ or email him here.