The Real Housewives of New Jersey Review: How's My Makeup?

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Pure magic. How else can you describe the birth of Teresa and Joe's fourth daughter, Audriana, on The Real Housewives of New Jersey? Well, besides an absurd ratings stunt.

Audriana was born in September, after all. It's less effective to draw these things out when your stars become actual celebrities, Bravo. Has The Hills taught you nothing?!

We're not implying that Joe and Teresa Guidice had Audriana simply for publicity ... though it wouldn't be the first time. That's basically why Kourtney Kardashian had a kid.

The baby was the focal point of "Babies, Bubbles and Bubbies." Merely typing that makes our brains hurt, but if you're a fan of the show, this episode likely did not disappoint.

After all, does it get any more magical than a new little girl to join the ranks of spoiled, narcissistic, utterly obnoxious b!tches who aren't quite rich enough to live in Manhattan?

Teresa and Daughter

The Real Housewives' Teresa Guidice with daughter Audriana.

I've often thought "why anyone watches this show who doesn't get paid to is beyond me." Last night I seemed to get it... just a little. There's something about a woman in labor worrying most about the state of her makeup. “How do I look?” Teresa pleads.

You don't watch The Real Housewives of New Jersey or their counterparts in the other 23 cities Bravo features for the realism. You watch it as bizarre, escapist voyeurism.

There's nothing about that is "reality TV." But that's not what you want. When Teresa says to Audriana, “We need to get you a bling-bling pacifier,” that's what you want.

You laugh at them, not with them. Although there are relatively few laughs and more taking themselves way, way too seriously, while dressed in age-inappropriate attire.

The eldest daughter, Gia, is a model/pageant contestant who likes to act like she’s on a catwalk or a strip club, bumping and grinding and shaking her booty in Daisy Dukes.

She is eight years old.

Another development in this weird universe was Caroline’s son Christopher and his aspirations in business. His biggest dream? Owning a car wash. And a strip club. Combined.

If that's not the best start-up idea in human history, I don't know what is. It's definitely better than traffic-generating TV website - and at least he's motivated by something!

Either that or Christopher is just conning his parents into thinking he should “intern” at a strip club. Just say you're interested in business and you can get away with anything.

Finally, a major conflict is brewing between Danielle Staub and Caroline. Danielle wants to attend a charity event at Caroline's place of work. They do not get along at all.

Stay tuned for the inevitable, table-flipping fun - and follow this link for a far more in-depth Real Housewives of New Jersey recap and analysis from our celebrity gossip site.

Babies, Bubbles and Bubbies Review

Editor Rating: 2.5 / 5.0
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User Rating:

Rating: 2.3 / 5.0 (2 Votes)

Steve Marsi is the Managing Editor of TV Fanatic. Follow him on Google+ or email him here.

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The Real Housewives of New Jersey Season 2 Episode 4 Quotes

At the last minute I was packing my makeup case and jewelry. You know, last minute things if you're going to go to the hospital.


We need to get you a bling-bling pacifier.