Gossip Girl

Below are some excerpts from New York Magazine's reality index of last night's Gossip Girl, a column we post and link to each Tuesday that's not to be missed.

We posted our official episode recap of "The Grandfather: Part II." Now, some highlights from NY Magazine's quite nonsensical, yet quite thorough analysis:

• They timed this well with Election Day. Plus 1. And votes do change on stupid sh!t like a saved life, though usually the opposite happens, like a secret family, or slashing someone in the face with a broken water glass. Plus 1.
• After all the buildup, Olivia's Jimmy Fallon appearance was so totally not that bad. It wasn't even bad at all.The way everyone was carrying on about "Bathroom Boy," we assumed Dan was into golden showers. Minus 10.
• Serena, on Patrick's trying out for a role: "Ryan [Phillippe] totally lost his mojo after Reese got with Jake." When you're right, you're just right. Plus 1.
• PR Rule No. 1, KC says, is "My PR network is my only value." Really it's "SEND AS MANY ALL-CAPS E-MAILS TO STRANGERS AS POSSIBLE." Minus 3.

• Evidence of shark-jumping ahead: Promos for "OM3"; and Leighton Meester's video, which is beneath her and horrible on many levels. Minus (OM)3.
• Serena says she's not a prostitute, then decides to knock back a few in a hotel bar with a married man who says he "would love to have someone to sit with, not talking about politics, not talking about anything." Plus 2.
• You would never meet a NY1 producer at Cafeteria. Minus 3.
• Patrick wears skimpy boxer briefs, drinking Jack Daniel's from the $7.89 flask. Plus 2 for the reality of the JD, and for the view that came with the undies.
• Serena asks a man: "Let me guess, you want to go upstairs and see if two blondes make a right?" Great line, but S would never think of that. Minus 2.
• As Olivia answers the door, she's wearing a T-shirt, because it's the morning. Serena, on the other hand, is in sequins, tie-dye, and makeup. Plus 1.