The Office Quotes and Recap: "Mafia"

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Last week's hour-long wedding episode of The Office was an entire series in the making. The subsequent episode, which aired Thursday night, was a bit of a letdown.

At the same time, it was good to see the Dunder-Mifflin gang back in their usual setting, and without Jim to keep Michael in check, he was off his rocker last night.

Convinced that an insurance salesman was a mafioso, Michael, Dwight and Andy set out to intimidate him right back. Meanwhile, Kevin started using Jim's office.

The man's got to pass gas and steal identities somewhere.

Follow the link for a detailed recap of "Mafia."

Michael at Work

As always, there were a number of hilarious The Office quotes from the episode, sub-par as it may have been. A bad Office episode is better than a good ... almost anything!

Michael: Ok too many different words from coming at me from too many different sentences. | permalink
Operator: Well Mr. Halpert, you're obviously not in San Juan Puerto Rico.
Kevin: Wait a minute, yes I am--
Operator: We're going to go ahead and put a hold on your card.
Kevin: No- that- I think that we should let the criminal use the card a little longer. | permalink
Kevin: I wouldn't last in jail, Oscar, I'm not like you.
Oscar: What's that supposed to mean?
Kevin: Oh you don't know about jail? Oh you would LOVE jail.
Oscar: Why would I love jail.
Kevin: Because [pauses] you would love it. | permalink
Michael: There is nothing more insulting to a great salesman than having to listen to a bad salesman. It's like a great basketball player having to listen to a bad basketball player. | permalink
Dwight: The only way to stop a bully is to stand up to him. Trust me - I've bullied a lot of people. | permalink
Dwight: 'R' is among the most menacing of sounds. That's why they call it murder and not mukduk. | permalink
Michael: Erin. Coffee.
Erin: Ok.
Michael: Not from the kitchen. Stop & Shop. If it's not Stop & Shop I send it back. Large. If it's a medium I send it back. If it's an extra-large I send it back.
Erin: How do you return coffee?
Michael: Go. | permalink
Dwight: Do you know how to use that?
Andy: To change tires? No. But it's metal. I can hit somebody with it. | permalink

Steve Marsi is the Managing Editor of TV Fanatic. Follow him on Google+ or email him here.

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The Office Quotes

Sometimes I'll start a sentence, and I don't even know where it's going. I just hope I find it along the way. Like an improv conversation. An improversation.


When I was in college I used to get wicked hammered. My nickname was Puke. I would chug a fifth of SoCo, sneak into a frat party, polish off a few people's empties, some brewskies, some Jell-O shots, do some body shots off myself, pass out, wake up the next morning, puke, rally, more SoCo, head to class. Probably would have gotten expelled if I had let it affect my grades, but I aced all my courses. They called me Ace. It was totally awesome. Got straight Bs. They called me Buzz.