The Office Quotes and Recap: "Mafia"

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Last week's hour-long wedding episode of The Office was an entire series in the making. The subsequent episode, which aired Thursday night, was a bit of a letdown.

At the same time, it was good to see the Dunder-Mifflin gang back in their usual setting, and without Jim to keep Michael in check, he was off his rocker last night.

Convinced that an insurance salesman was a mafioso, Michael, Dwight and Andy set out to intimidate him right back. Meanwhile, Kevin started using Jim's office.

The man's got to pass gas and steal identities somewhere.

Follow the link for a detailed recap of "Mafia."

Michael at Work

As always, there were a number of hilarious The Office quotes from the episode, sub-par as it may have been. A bad Office episode is better than a good ... almost anything!

Michael: Ok too many different words from coming at me from too many different sentences. | permalink
Operator: Well Mr. Halpert, you're obviously not in San Juan Puerto Rico.
Kevin: Wait a minute, yes I am--
Operator: We're going to go ahead and put a hold on your card.
Kevin: No- that- I think that we should let the criminal use the card a little longer. | permalink
Kevin: I wouldn't last in jail, Oscar, I'm not like you.
Oscar: What's that supposed to mean?
Kevin: Oh you don't know about jail? Oh you would LOVE jail.
Oscar: Why would I love jail.
Kevin: Because [pauses] you would love it. | permalink
Michael: There is nothing more insulting to a great salesman than having to listen to a bad salesman. It's like a great basketball player having to listen to a bad basketball player. | permalink
Dwight: The only way to stop a bully is to stand up to him. Trust me - I've bullied a lot of people. | permalink
Dwight: 'R' is among the most menacing of sounds. That's why they call it murder and not mukduk. | permalink
Michael: Erin. Coffee.
Erin: Ok.
Michael: Not from the kitchen. Stop & Shop. If it's not Stop & Shop I send it back. Large. If it's a medium I send it back. If it's an extra-large I send it back.
Erin: How do you return coffee?
Michael: Go. | permalink
Dwight: Do you know how to use that?
Andy: To change tires? No. But it's metal. I can hit somebody with it. | permalink

Steve Marsi is the Managing Editor of TV Fanatic. Follow him on Google+ or email him here.

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The Office Quotes

Sometimes I'll start a sentence, and I don't even know where it's going. I just hope I find it along the way. Like an improv conversation. An improversation.


Guess what, I have flaws. What are they? Oh, I don't know. I sing in the shower. Sometimes I spend too much time volunteering. Occasionally I'll hit somebody with my car. So sue me... No, don't sue me. That is the opposite of the point that I'm trying to make.